The Power of Lowering Expectations

I am a Type A personality and a perfectionist. Some days, it feels like I am in constant motion. I hold myself to high standards when it comes to getting things done in a timely fashion. I do not procrastinate and for most of my life, I have taken great pride in that. On the surface, these may sound like positive traits to have. It's great to have a good work ethic. Having good time management skills is valued. These are things many people want and I am fortunate to have them. 

I was speaking with a friend the other day about how I have a lot on my plate right now. It seems like every week I'm working longer hours and have more things piling up on my to-do list. I was telling her about some of the standards I have for myself with when I expect myself to get work done. If I go to bed without responding to an email, it feels...wrong. It feels like I'm letting someone down. If I have a spare 30 minutes that I'm not using ...

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Did You Process Your Grief?

"Did you process your grief?" my therapist asked me. She wasn't referring to the obvious grief. She was referring to the grief underneath the surface, from three years ago. The grief that seemed so much longer ago, the grief that didn't seem necessary at the time. "No, I actually don't think I really did," I said. "I didn't realize at that time everything I was losing and now, I see it. And part of me wants to get it back." 

This was a conversation that took place in my most recent therapy session. I was in a romantic relationship for 8 years that ended in 2017. Most of us have at least one significant relationship in our 20s and this relationship had been mine - we were together for most of my 20s. I thought he would be the man I married, but it became more and more clear as time went on that our relationship was declining. I ended the relationship in early 2017 and started dating the man who would become my ...

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What Are You Giving?

I recently received an email from a family member that said, "We have decided that in lieu of gifts this year, we would like you to donate to the following charity." They cited COVID as the reason because we will not be gathering like usual. Exchanging physical gifts doesn't really quite make sense. 

While I agreed with the logic of their request, my initial response surprised me because donating to charity is of course, a meaningful, wonderful thing to do. My initial response was, "But I want to buy something for you!" Though I don't really like going shopping normally, I have traditionally set aside a day during the month of December where I go to the mall and shop for everyone on my list. I LOVE this day. I enjoy the "hustle and bustle" and picking things out at various stores while Christmas music is playing. I feel like I'm in the holiday spirit. But is this really what the holidays are all about? 

Lin ...

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